day 13 (yesterday)

So I didn't attend the programme yesterday because I was waiting for the medical review referral to come and run what ever test they need to do for my abnormal urge to go toilet ever so frequent.

Feedback group was... erm, quite superficial.

Lunch and I dozed off at the table and mom came, and I continued sleeping while she was here.

Really could barely open my eyes and I was so grouchy.

Mom met my doc and had a conference with him, I joined after at the end.. but it wasn't much. Doc was being nicer than usual, but maybe cos there is an adult with him. Ah, whatever.

Had supps for tea - my first Resource drink (because of sub-optimal weight gain for the week).

Tbh, it was pretty much OK except that it was super sweet. And I had it warm cos I was soooo cold.

Talk abit with mom before she left, then the psychologist came to visit.

Talked with her. Somehow, she makes me feel that everything I believe about my family is a flop; my family is worse than I deem it to be... kinda sad really.

And also about my personality.. she made me question who I am.

But she challenged me to think about telling my whole family, so I told Adrea over sms during dinner time.

Sigh.

You know, I really don't know who I am anymore.
Or what to think,

what I have always believed in,

what is right, what others say is right, 

or what to do.

I am just plodding along, not sure where I am going.

Others tell me I am taking the right steps, with bravery, with courage.. but I am not sure.

I feel like I'm giving up relying on my own sentiments or that, my thoughts are just all so warped that I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know how to explain...

Sigh again.

"Trust the doctors and the treatment plans, they are the experts".

Hmmm.