day 03

A Friday night.

No visitors. But I can't expect Amaria or Chris or anyone that knows to keep visiting me.
Yet, somehow, I still feel alone in this.

Battling cries in my heart, in my mind.

Today I managed to chat more with someone else with ED. Though situations differ, but she was really very encouraging.

But today when I went for the trial for the Day Planning, I honestly felt confused.
How do I know what's my ED? Or the old me? Or the me now? Or who am I? What do I really want?
I don't trust myself.

Also, had a big fuss about my water intake. Quarreled with the nurses. Cried. Emotional.
Honestly, I feel thirsty all the time. I am not using water to help me do some scheming method to gain weight or something.
But after that I felt really bad, so I wrote a note to the nurses to apologize.

I don't want to be difficult. But.
And I must really learn to trust my doctor.
I don't trust my physical body cues even.

Even then, I feel so alone, like I am so messed up with so many things to uncover.
One step at a time?