day 07

Every night I freeze my brains off and wake up every 2 to 3 hours. Really darn difficult to get a good sleep here haha.

Anyhows, my doc brought in 2 other docs to talk to me because of yesterday.
Apparently if not for my talk with another newer doc on feedback, my tone is O.K but the way I structure my words sound angry. I shared what I thought of my own doc on interrupting others, and that doc said "because we know him, he know he talks like that, but we know he isn't being rude or agitated, its just the way he talks."
 In the back of my mind, I am thinking, Ok, but I've seen my doc for almost a year. He doesn't know the way I talk, and I don't know the way he talks, but I am the one getting the blame??

Confused still. But he allowed me to go to the programme after 2 times intermission break from seeing the team of docs.

Programme helped me pass time. But doesn't feel helpful. Again, head knowledge but no heart or mind to will me the strength.

Lunch was banana. Almost died x 1.
Almost, because got a chance to refrigerate the banana to change the texture.
Occupational therapy was Choco Banana cake. Almost Died x 2.
Again almost, because smell was terrible but taste was OK cause of the chocolate and it wasn't too sweet. Haha.

Frankly, I didn't find it difficult or any much applicable to me...
Just helping me pass time.

But I think I do need my mom in this?
Idk.

Everyday I say I don't know.
Because I really don't.

MOE review results, absence from school and school duties, spilling the beans to my mom and working with my family, the familiar routines and activities with friends and on my own, trust issues with my current doctor and our initial treatment plan vs what he thinks of me now.. How to fit all of it together?

Voices from peers, counselors, doctors, nurses, Aunty Vara, other patients here.. Which to hear?
How to hear God's voice in practical and decisions??

Sigh sigh idk idk.

But I look forward to every new day cos its like one day conquered. Still, I can't be always concentrating on time having to pass right?