Morning talk with the team and my doc got angry over my water intake topic, he told me to leave and I agitated him further with my words.
Orders that I will not be joining the program today not from my doc's mouth but from nurses made me damn irritated and upset.
Seriously, I hate my doc and I don't trust him. Aunty Vara's message to me when I told her about my decision is haunting me. I feel now she was so right, I should not have dismissed it and just listen to the others?
Idk. Keep crying and I just feel like everything is a big mistake.
Family the only one that will always be there? So means it was all wrong to begin with?
But clearly family must mean only mom or something cos my bro got his own life to live - not that he is to be blamed for neig sick today, but I just can't help thinking everything is at the wrong time.
I feel so confused, so alone. So misunderstood, so helpless.
Wishing I just left it alone. I don't know what I want anymore. At all.
Josh visiting me was a relief when I thought he wasn't coming after all.
I acted terribly with P Alice and Jean visiting me. But I wish they would stop touching me and telling me "yes things are difficult" "yes it must be blah blah for you" or "how are you feeling" etc. I'm sick of these shit.
Watched 3/4 of the DVDs I rented.
I don't want to think what I should be doing anymore. Messed up max.
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